Also On Wellness

Tagged as Marriage

A Single Woman’s Checklist to Finding the Right Guy
Before the perfect mate will miraculously show up right before your eyes, there’s a little bit of soul searching that needs to be done. Without being aware of who you are, how will you know what the perfect mate for you will consist of? - I’ve had my fair share of dating. The moments I confused lust for love or changed my life to be in his.  Through each relationship I learned more about myself, till...
April 15, 2016
Approaching & Avoiding: Relationship Tips
Building and maintaining long-term loving relationships is one of the most challenging activities in which people engage. Relationships are exceedingly complex affairs. The bonds that sustain relationships – for better or worse – are built from what we say using our spoken words, what we communicate with the non-verbal parts of language (i.e., our voice tone and speech pace, body posture, facial expressions,...
February 20, 2016
What Is a Soul Mate?
There are about as many definitions of soul mate as you can imagine. We've been trying to define this term for literally thousands of years to no avail. I'll try to cut through the confusion by offering mine. A soul mate is a person with whom you feel a deep connection that may even defy logic.  For example, a soul mate can be a close friend who lives a very different life than yours, yet you pick...
January 16, 2016
6 Ways to Cure Your Sexless Marriage
You fantasize about long, languorous sessions of lovemaking with your spouse, quickies before the kids rise, and steamy surprises in the afternoon. And yet—that’s not what is happening in your marriage. In fact you can’t remember the last time you and your spouse touched passionately. Suffering in a sexless marriage can be lonely and isolating. We live in a sex-negative world. Even though images of...
October 11, 2015
How To Tell a "Good" Therapist From a Mediocre One
After thirty years of practice, I can confidently say that most therapists are good people. So the likelihood of you finding one who means well, listens carefully, and cares about you is excellent. But these characteristics alone - while critical - do not guarantee good therapy. Let me give you an example from my own practice, where I often see clients who have seen other therapists. "Martin" called...
March 2, 2015
Save Your Relationship Before It’s Too Late
Many years ago I had a conversation with my wife that could have ended our marriage. And I have seen many couples engaged in the exact same cycle of relationship destruction. Here's what happened: - My wife said something to me and I responded back. She accused me of having a “tone." Who, me? - So now I am defending my “no tone." - She now says something back with a “tone" in her voice. So I escalate...
November 11, 2014
Why Don't More People Do Premarital Counseling?
As a relationship therapist, I find it interesting that more people don't do premarital counseling. I was thinking that perhaps people are in such a "honeymoon" phase they think to themselves: "We don't need that...we're so in love....etc." This might be true for the moment but what about a few years down the line when the marriage gets thrown a few curve balls? Life has a tendency to do that. I love...
June 29, 2008
Does Relationship Counseling Work?
I've heard people say, "Why should we bring our personal relationship problems to a therapist? We should be able to figure this out on our own." I can understand this position - especially for people who have attached negative ideas to "therapy" or "counseling." The fact of the matter is, relationship counseling works for those who work at it. I tell couples time and time again, if they both are willing...
May 19, 2008
A Few Thoughts on Healing from Infidelity
This is one of the most painful experiences a couple can endure. Here are a few thoughts on the most helpful ways to get through this horrendous ordeal: 1) Cease the affair (this may seem obvious - but sometimes "obvious" is better off stated) 2) The partner who has been unfaithful be willing to apologize as many times as needed - as sincerely as possible as well. They need to take responsibility for...
April 3, 2008
10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships
As a couple's therapist, I've seen a myriad of relationships styles. People who come in for counseling are clearly looking to change something they see problematic in their partnership. The problems range from the relatively benign tweaks in communication to serious pain and trust violations due to infidelity and all sorts of issues in between. Filtering through all of this, I've identified ten characteristics...
March 4, 2008