5 Ways to Self-Validate Your Way to a Quality Relationship

Picture two equally attractive women sitting at a bar. One casually sips her cocktail, lost in her own thoughts and comfortable in her own skin. She looks content to be there. The woman at the other end of the bar, however, can’t seem to sit still. Ignoring her glass of wine, she pulls her dress down lower to show her cleavage and higher to show her legs. Her eyes dart around the room looking for attention.

Who do you think a QUALITY man will gravitate towards?

If you said woman #1, you’re right.

She’s irresistible because she’s absolutely fine on her own. Woman #2 clearly is not, and her vibe is that she’s in desperate need of outside validation. She’s not alone. Many women fall into this same trap, and it doesn’t just manifest itself in showing some skin at a bar.

You can be sure you’re seeking validation from others if you:

• Consistently “give in” and adjust your needs to make other people happy, even if you have to swallow your own disappointment
• Get lost in relationships – bye-bye girlfriends and hobbies!
• Are a people pleaser extraordinaire, with a packed schedule of activities, requests, and events – most of which you wish you didn’t have to do

I get it – you think you’re doing the right thing. After all, what guy wouldn’t want to be with someone who caters to his whims and takes care of everything and everyone, right?

Wrong! In the end, this behavior only leads to resentment on your part and a lack of respect on his.

Stop trying to find your self-worth and fulfillment from others and instead, get that validation from YOURSELF! It’s vital to your well-being, and besides, quality men can’t get enough of a woman who has an unshakeable sense of self-confidence! I’ve seen it time and time again. You want a man who loves that you have your own interests and doesn’t want you to fall into his shadow. Believe me, being thrilled with who you are is one of the best ways to attract a man you want to keep around!

Even if you’ve spent most of your adult life dimming down your own wants and needs in the pursuit of love and adoration, you can still build up your inner validation muscle.

Here are 5 ways to do it.

Tap into your Divine essence. You are a divine being, and as such, you are exactly, as you need to be, perfect as you are. Take some time to really look at yourself in the mirror and instead of focusing on your perceived flaws, take a real look at how gorgeous you are! Do this as many times as you need to do it until you believe it deep into your bones – it’s nothing less than the truth! 

Let your mind expand to ALL of the ways that you’re amazing. Make a list of strengths and accomplishments and every compliment you’ve ever received and refer to it when your self-esteem needs reinforcing.

Get in the habit of feeling worthy and deserving of everything you want. This is so important when it comes to love! When you are focused and know that you should be treated a certain way, you’ll stop settling AND stop losing yourself in a man. You train a man on how to treat you by what you ask for, what you tolerate and what you aren’t available for. If you expect to be dropped off at the door during a rainstorm, ask for it and know to the depths of your soul that it’s not diva behavior, it’s a request from your Divine Feminine to feel cherished and cared for.

Practice being the next-level version of yourself. Imagine you had a twin sister who is everything you’re hoping to blossom into - confident, sassy, wise - and ask, how would SHE respond to this? What would SHE do in this situation? What would she say? How would she walk? What would she decide? You will surprise yourself at the intuitive answers you conjure up. 

Stop feeling guilty when you say no! Whether it’s turning down a date, party invitation, or a volunteer gig, trust your gut. There will be more opportunities! When you stop saying yes to anything and everything, you’ll know in your heart that the things you do say yes to are right for you. This keeps you in alignment and out of resentment. You can spot a woman who isn’t afraid to say no. She usually looks well-rested and self-satisfied. And men are magnetized to women like that! 

Follow these tips and before you know it your eyes won’t be darting around a crowded room looking for attention, and your calendar won’t be packed with obligations you said “yes” to out of guilt or in an effort to be liked. Instead, others (including, possibly, the man of your dreams) will be looking at an unstoppably confident and sexy woman and they’ll be bending over backwards to get more of you. Clear your calendar. It’s about to be packed with dates!

Jaki Sabourin was voted “Best Female Relationship Expert” by her peers and is a Coach, Speaker, Author and CEO of Engaged at Any Age®, a company that helps women consciously create the man of their dreams. Her wit and no-nonsense attitude has led to hundreds of clients meeting their ideal man. She married her Soulmate at 50. Follow her on YouTube at Engaged at Any Age, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Take the SoulmateIQ & learn more about Jaki at www.EngagedatAnyAge.com