Losing it is hard to do, but even harder to get it back!!!!

So after struggling with my weight my entire life, it has finally gotten me. I have gained over 50 pounds and I am the biggest I have ever been. They say when a woman gains weight while in a relationship that means she is happy. Well they got the happy part right, just not the gaining weight part. I am not at all happy about gaining weight. I feel like a big fat slob. I hate to see myself naked, and I definitely don't want Preston (my significant other) to see me naked. I try and hide myself as much as possible. My daily attire is jeans and an oversized T-shirt. I don't dress up, don't fix my hair, don't put on make-up. I just have no motivation to do that stuff. This really makes me feel bad because i know Preston loves me for who I am, but that is so not fair to him. I am sure he looks at me and wonders why I don't try harder. I look at myself and wonder why? When i was in high school I was never small by any means but I was so in shape. I had softball practice every day, i had to run and work out and practice everyday. Now just going up the stairs makes me feel like I ran a mile. I get light headed and all that stuff. That is really sad. so know that i have realized I have a problem, nows the time to fix it. I just have no motivation to do so! I moved to another city, away from all my friends and family for a new job. Now i have no friends to help motivate me, plus no one to go to the gym with. So I decided to join a gym anyways, I keep putting it off. I always have an excuse on why i can't go. Plus, I love to eat. I eat whatever whenever. I eat all day long, and not good stuff either, i eat candy and chocolate and friend food and all that stuff that is bad for you. i don't want to end up another Mississippi statistic!!!!!!! I want to be healthy, feel better about myself and want my husband to be proud of me. i know he says he is but i can see the disappointment in his eyes. I just want to be healthy and happy again, Will I ever get that back?