10 Clarity Points on Love

"I Want to be in Love….Why Is It So Elusive."

Relationships are our greatest teachers of whatlove is and what love is not.  When welearn what love is not it gives us a better idea of what to look for in aneffort to find what love is.  Forsomething so simple love or the idea of love can often bring us more confusionthan clarity.  Simply, love should feelgood and sometimes love feels bad. 

What love is:

1. Love is Open:  Love should not be used to dictate to anotherperson what the rules on their behavior should be. Love does not ask people toshrink to make others more comfortable. Love expands, it does not demand.

2. You can feel love in your gut:  Your gut will tell you when you are in arelationship where you are not being loved, respected or treated kindly.  If you are being treated poorly by any lovein your life you do not have to stay in that relationship anymore.  Love should make you feel secure not diminished.

3. Love is fair.  Love is not about trading.  Love does not make bargains or setlimits.  Love wants for the everexpansion of each individual in the relationship.  No one who truly loves you would want tocontrol your actions, what you can and cannot have what you should or should notdo to make another person feel secure.

4. Love yourself:  The first love relationship you should haveis with yourself.  If you love yourselfyou will attract another healthy person to your life to love you back.  So, love yourself first, trust yourself firstand all positive relationships in your life will be born out of that. 

5. Love gives permission:  Being in love should not mean you give upyour hobbies, your friends, your passions or individual tastes in life.  Love should not be about giving things up, itshould be about developing yourself and your life even more. Love shouldencourage each person to be more and more of who they already are.

What love is not:

6. Saying I love you shouldnot be used as an avoidance phrase. Love should be expressed when it is deeplyfelt.  Sometimes saying “I love you” is away to avoid the emptiness which exists in the relationship.  It can act as a band aid instead of a reallife giving force.  

7. Love doesn’t need proving:  Love is not something to have to substantiateto someone over and over again.  You canliterally lose yourself trying to prove yourself.  You cannot fill up someone’s insecure placesno matter how hard you may try. If they don’t love themselves you cannot makethem feel your love.

8. Love isn’t a good reason to stay in a horrible relationship.  If you are consistently notfulfilled and satisfied in your love relationships then you need to considerwhat the real reasons are that you stay. Maybe you need to love yourself enough to find something or someone thatis better for you.

9. Love is not a reason to be miserable for the rest of your life.  We often stay in unhealthyrelationships out of fear, obligation and/or guilt.  Living this way, allows fear to dictate yourdecisions rather than love....

10. Love is not a reason to accept substandard treatment.  You do not deserve to betreated poorly.  Take a moment to thinkabout that.  Love does not treat peoplepoorly.  Never stay somewhere unhealthyin the name of love.  

If love has become confusing and overly painfulthis may be the first sign you are experience what love is not.  Love is gentle.  Love is open. Love is something to love andnot to fear.  The more secure you are inyour life the higher quality love you will find outside yourself. 

Little Life Message: True love starts within you.

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is the author of Loving Yourself and is a licensedPsychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience.She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love andtruly achieve an empowered life. Clickhere to get her free article on Five Ways to Make Love the CommonGround in Your Communication.   She is a featured expert on a varietyof national websites and has a successful practice in Southern California.Receive free insights from Sherrie and to be involved in her Facebook community of others looking toimprove their relationship. For more information visit http://www.sherriecampbellphd.com.