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Happy Women, Happy World!

How Women (and men) Can Thrive in Today’s World by Mastering The Women’s Code

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By Karl Lawrence on Thursday, November 12, 2015

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In this week’s episode of Your Best Life, Karl interviews Beate Chelette, who is a nationally known gender decoder and the author of Happy Women, Happy World. Her life has become a road map for success for women seeking breakthroughs in personal happiness and achievement. At her lowest point, Beate was a single mom $135K in debt and forced to leave her home. Eighteen months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multi-million dollar deal. Her leadership program, The Women’s Code, is a unique guide to women’s centered leadership, personal development, and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital world. During this episode, Karl and Beate shatter the myths about the girls’ club and how women need to dial in a code to work better together.

Main Questions Asked:

What got you to the point of the multi-million dollar Bill Gates buyout?
Do you feel that being a woman through your journey was an advantage or disadvantage?
What drives women not to engage in bar behavior?
What role do rituals play in making a transition easier?
What are the 5 simple steps to understand women?
Talk about your ‘uncovery’ sessions.

Key Lessons Learned:

We often have a romantic notion that being an expert or authority comes from learning, but more often than not what makes us good is that we had no other choice.
You have to know what it feels like to have hardships in order for you to appreciate the success on the other side.
Some lessons can’t be taught and have to be personally experienced.
Until you have been through an entire cycle of emotional feelings, it’s hard to know who the authentic real you is.
First comes the breakup, then comes the breakdown, then comes the breakthrough, and then comes the breakout.

Being a Woman

Beate felt that being a woman was a disadvantage with regards to how much help she was able to get.
Women don’t really support other women until they are past their forties.
As a single mom, you have to put up twice as much and get really good at what you do in order to be taken seriously.

The Cinderella Rule

Always have to dress up for the ball or the bar.
At the end of the conference day, this is where guys hang out, so in order to make connections, this is where you need to hang out too.
If women go to the bar, they only go with their friends for a short time and aren’t as comfortable in that space as the men are.
They drink maximum, be in bed before midnight, and walk to your room alone.
Abide by the men’s code when it comes to what is said at the bar.
Find a way to authentically like the traditionally male domains, as this is where you can get a lot of leverage for business deals.

The Men’s Code Breakdown

This is what is traditionally embedded in our DNA.
Men choose their team for survival based on strategic skills. The team with the best guys does the best.

The Women’s Code

1) Awareness

This is the biggest key to having women support each other.
People tend to buy in to existing notions without getting really clear on whether or not they really believe it.
Ask yourself: do you really want to do it, and is this the principal you want to live by?

2) Support

This is what women really want.
This comes from women being very clear on whether or not what we are doing is giving us the support that we need to be in our place of femininity, power, calm, and living our best life.
Women forget we have to take care of ourselves first.
In order to get the support, we have to allow ourselves to ask for it and receive it.
Offering someone support is almost giving them permission to ask for help.
Men love providing big things for women.
Women love receiving small things from men.

3) Collaboration

The goal of the women’s code is to provide women with tools so they can get to the point where they can connect with other women and take the emotional issues to the girls.
The lines of relationships are so blurred that men often have to function as girlfriends because the women can’t find other women that will not tear her down.

Keeping Intimacy Alive

Men love being providers, protectors, and taking care of their women.
At some level, men also like to be pursued and feel attractive.
Pursuing is male and receiving is female. If women are in the alpha ‘get things done’ mode too frequently, then part of femininity is lost.
We have to actively disconnect from the roles that are unrelated to the relationship.
The ability to come up with the little things that help you shift.

Rituals to Break the Cycle

Turning the phone off.
Sitting down and having a glass of wine.
Telling the kids you need 15 minutes.
In order for this to work, both parties have to want to give to the event, to say you want to break the cycle.
Men and women need to give each other permission to party at the end of the day.
The secret is ‘play,’ whether than means ski, hike, or surf.

How to Understand Women in 5 Easy Steps

1) Recognize

Is in masculine or feminine mode?
If she is outside their ‘natural’ mode, support them to get back.

2) Support

Don't offer to help, instead offer support.

3) Acknowledgment

Most of the time women are looking for recognition.

4) language

Watch your language in communication.
Use language that is supportive.
Know the difference between if she is asking me to fix it, listen, or just be there and support.

5) Play