Coping With a Cancer Diagnosis

For thousands of people this year there will come a moment where they are told they have cancer. Perhaps it will be you, perhaps a loved one will tell you that they have cancer. But either way, beyond the cancer treatment, the seemingly endless ongoing decisions for health and strategy, there is the emotional toll that this diagnosis carries with it in both the immediate sense and the long-term. 

Dealing With the Emotional Impact of a Cancer Diagnosis

Cancer is not an easy diagnosis to accept. The word itself is enough to strike fear into the most stalwart heart. Yet for many of us, we will, at some point hear those words, "You have cancer," whether we are prepared or not. And even if we knew it was coming, the reality of it may take some time to process. Some might feel an initial sense of shock, or it may feel surreal as if it happened outside of time, and the reality of it might not hit for a while. It’s natural to experience a broad and shifting range of emotions. Denial, overwhelm, anger, guilt, fear, hopelessness, worry and even hope are common. Some people feel relieved, finally getting a name for what's been bothering them, and others feel terror. And everything in between is possible, too.

So first: Know that these and other emotions are all a normal part of the process. Everyone who faces this has to find their own way and there is no right way, no normal way, and no abnormal way. Know that it's okay to have lots of feelings and even to have conflicting feelings. We don't always make sense. We're complicated creatures and our emotions are at the center of what it means to be human so things get a little messy in there. 

Reaching Out After a Cancer Diagnosis

Not everyone has the best network of support. But even with a large support network, it’s sometimes necessary to reach out for help and emotional support. Loved ones are likely struggling to figure out how to help, and some might assume they should provide space—so don't mistake distance for fair-weather tendencies, and instead realize that they, too, are trying to do what feels right. Reach out and be open. Initial calls might be hard, and dialogue may feel strained or awkward until everyone has had time to process the news. Be aware that dynamics could change for a while, even with close friends, but that doesn’t mean there will never be normalcy again. Give it time, and keep reaching out—and give yourself time. You will almost certainly move through a range of emotions and sharing helps build closeness, so if you can, it may benefit you, in the long run, to be vulnerable and open with what you're processing.

Coping Wih Cancer When You Live Alone

Not everyone has a family, a life partner or even a trusted roommate who can step in and offer some extra help. When cancer strikes one of the 30 million singles who live alone, the reality of this time can leave people feeling isolated, abandoned, and hopeless. It might be necessary to seek out a support network and to build connections, even if they're new. Consider local or online support groups, and discuss concerns with other people who can relate. Ask your local hospital for connections to resources, or try searching online through one of the social media networks for a local group to join.

Consider looking into whether a visiting nurse may be an option to help with physical needs when treatment takes a toll. Other helpful services might include Meals on Wheels, financial relief or assistance with transportation through networks of providers—and many are insurance billable. It helps to remember that we are not a burden to those who are offering to help. There are people out there who care and want to help.

Cancer and Mindfulness

There are tons of studies out there supporting the benefits of mindfulness for people fighting cancer. Maybe it seems hokey but it really can help. It can be a steadying hand when working to cope with the challenges of an uncertain future, challenging medical treatments, and limited daily energy, all of which are likely to come up. Some research shows that neurochemical changes that can occur with medication, increased melatonin production, for example, could even interfere with tumor growth. Of course, meditation can’t replace medical intervention, but it may be an invaluable adjunct to other treatments and it may help in ways we still don't understand.

When a Loved One Is Diagnosed With Cancer

Even when the diagnosis is someone else’s, the news can be devastating. It’s important to be there for a loved one, but self-care is also important. Remember that the patient is likely processing in their own way. They may also be undergoing physical and emotional changes that can be difficult on everyone. 

Be patient and try to offer support. Consider ways to make a loved one’s life a little easier. Do they need help with laundry or meals? Can you drive them to appointments? Maybe they just need someone to talk to as they process the challenges. Figure out how to pitch in, and don’t be afraid to ask how to help. Even a small gesture could make all the difference. But remember, even cancer patients would like to talk about something other than their problems from time to time. So try to offer fun times too. Movie night? A day at the beach? Working on a jigsaw puzzle? Be more than the shoulder to help create good memories, even during this time.

Fighting cancer or watching a loved one fight it can be a scary prospect, but coping is often half the battle. We all have an inner strength in us that we may not know is there until we really need it. Most of all, remember that cancer is often a long-haul prospect. And many friends and family are likely to fall by the wayside after a while. So check in with people every few weeks for a long time, years even, and if you're the one with cancer, remind people that you still need them to help them do their best by you. Take good care, friends.

Copyright 2020, Wellness.com