Pivot From Being Stuck in Grief to Moving Forward Stronger

Loss and the feelings of grief that accompany it are natural and inevitable parts of life. Even so, they don't have to define us or dictate the quality of our life going forward. Whether it's the loss of someone you love, a job, a relationship, your financial security, your health, or any other significant change, we all have the power within us to process our grief in a way that allows us to move forward stronger.

Instead of being consumed by and getting stuck in feelings of grief, here are five ways to use your experiences of loss as opportunities to tap into your inborn power and pivot away from the cycle of grief.

1. Recognize that Loss and Grief Are Not A Package Deal: Contrary to popular belief, experiencing loss does not always equate to living a lifetime of never-ending grief. Feelings of grief are a natural response after a loss and it's okay to experience a range of emotions – including sadness, anger, and even relief – without judgment or guilt. However, it’s vitally important to recognize the difference between loss, which is always in the past and can never change, and the feelings associated with loss, which are always in the present. Feelings can and do change. By recognizing that loss and grief can be separated, you can give yourself permission to process your feelings in your own time and in your own way. Your loss will always be a part of you as you move forward, but feelings of grief don’t have to be.
2. Reframe Your Perspective: One of the most powerful tools for coping with and processing loss is to reframe it – change the way you perceive your experience. Instead of viewing loss as an insurmountable tragedy, try to see it as a natural part of life's journey. Reframe your perspective to focus on the lessons and opportunities for growth that accompany loss. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this experience? How can I use what I’ve learned to become stronger, more confident, courageous, and resilient?
3. Let Go of the Illusion of Control: After a loss, it's natural to feel a sense of powerlessness and frustration. However, clinging to the illusion of control of an outcome that you never had control over will only magnify your guilt, pain, and suffering. Instead, practice letting go of the illusion of control of an outcome by surrendering to the fact there will always be an ebb and flow of life. Embrace the concept of acceptance – accepting things as they are, rather than how you wish they were. By relinquishing control and embracing acceptance, you can find peace and strength through the chaotic feelings of grief.
4. Gain Something Valuable from Loss: Every experience of loss provides the potential for learning, growth, and transformation. Instead of dwelling on the pain and suffering, try to identify something valuable that you can gain from the experience. Perhaps you've gleaned a newfound appreciation for life, strengthened relationships with people you love, or discovered hidden reserves of strength and resilience within yourself. By focusing on the positive aspects of your experience, you can find meaning and purpose in processing feelings of grief.
5. Embrace the Journey of Self-Discovery: Loss has a way of providing clarity and revealing what truly matters in life. Use this opportunity for self-reflection and introspection to gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your values, and your priorities. Ask yourself: What’s important to me? What brings me joy and fulfillment? How can I live more authentically and purposefully moving forward? By embracing the journey of self-discovery, you can get a renewed sense of clarity, purpose, and direction from your loss and grief.

Grief is deeply personal and unique and there is no one-size-fits-all solution for processing all the feelings associated with it. However, by using your inner power and embracing these strategies, you can navigate through feelings of grief with courage, determination, and resilience. Remember that healing is a gradual process, and it's okay to seek support along the way. With time and self-compassion, you can move forward with a renewed sense of strength and purpose.

Julia A. Nicholson is a sought-after speaker and author of the award-winning book, Move Forward Stronger: A Dynamic Framework to Process Change, Loss, and Grief.  After surviving a near-fatal head-on collision, an abusive marriage, and the suicide death of the love of her life, Julia is passionate about inspiring people to pivot their power, use adversity to their advantage, and move forward more confident, courageous, and resilient to better able handle life’s unavoidable challenges. Listen to her TEDx Talk here. For more information visit https://juliaanicholson.com