Is Your Teen Ready for Sex?

In biology, sex is a process of combining and mixing genetic traits, often resulting in the specialization of organisms into male and female types (or sexes). Sexual reproduction involves combining specialized cells (gametes) to form offspring that inherit traits from both parents.

From what most males will admit, their sexual attraction to a particular female who they are in lust for, tends to drop drastically after having sex even once. In other words, it seems that after having sex, men & boys are wired to lose interest and move on to the next female prospect. If there is any truth to this, young women should ask themselves if they are an object of brief lust or an actual enduring love relationship since all will change permanently after sex. I have no idea if there is a way to test love over lust, but waiting a little longer couldn't hurt. Rox

Dear KJ, It is so wonderful that you have a strong relationship with your daughter and that she wants to know what you think about her decision to become sexually active. There are really three separate issues for your daughter to consider. The first is physical health. I assume she knows that she is not ready to have a baby and would protect against pregnancy, but no birth control is 100% effective. The other consideration is STDs, which are on the rise, and can cause impaired fertility and vulnerability to cancer later in life. And of course HIV rates are rising dramatically in adolescent girls. Some estimates say that every day 8000 teens in the U.S. contract a sexually transmitted disease. The second thing to consider is what changes in a relationship when two people decide to have sex. There is no question that sex complicates any relationship. Young women generally fall more in love with their partner and want to deepen the relationship, which may not be a good thing at an age when education and development of individual identity should be the top priority. Violence in adolescent relationships -- battering -- occurs in at least 10% of teen relationships (and some estimates are that it occurs in as many as 46% of teen relationships!) and the risk of it goes up when a couple becomes sexually involved, because the young man feels more "ownership" of the young woman and feels more right to assert control over her. 17 year olds have a lot to deal with and my own view is that the complications of sexual relationships are best delayed as long as possible. I know that your daughter may think she can handle these feelings, but mother nature put them there for a reason -- the survival of the human race -- and your daughter may end up being much more broken-hearted than she would have been without the relationship having become sexual. The third thing to think about is what happens emotionally and psychologically for a young woman who has sex before she's emotionally ready. The National Longitudinal Survey of Adolescent Health asked kids about whether they were sexually active, among many other things, including their moods. A full quarter (25.3 percent) of teenage girls who are sexually active report that they are depressed all, most, or a lot of the time. By con­trast, only 7.7 percent of teen­age girls who are not sexually active report that they are depressed all, most, or a lot of the time. Thus, sexually active girls are more than three times more likely to be depressed than are girls who are not sex­ually active. A recent poll by the National Cam­paign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy asked the ques­tion, “If you have had sexual intercourse, do you wish you had waited longer?” Among those teens who reported that they had engaged in inter­course, nearly two-thirds stated that they wished they had waited longer before becoming sexually active. By contrast, only one-third of sexually active teens asserted that their commencement of sexual activity was appropriate and that they did not wish they had waited until they were older. Thus, among sexually active teens, those who regretted early sexual activity outnumbered those without such concerns by nearly two to one. This includes boys as well as girls by the way. 80% of girls regretted not waiting longer, and 60% of boys regretted it. I hope this helps in talking with your step-daughter. In the end, of course, this is her decision, and your love and support will be critical regardless of what she decides. But you should know that all the studies show that parents' attitudes make a big difference in kids' decisions about sexuality. Dr. Laura

Dr. Laura, My almost 17 year old step-daughter and I have a strong parent/child relationship. She has been dating a boy for over a year and they have made a decision that they would like to become sexually active with each other. I am really struggling between my needs for her to be safe and protected - and also with a strong feeling that she is just not ready emotionally and developmentally. Our relationship allows our discussion about my worries and fears and she wants to know what I feel and think. Do you have recommendations on resources/research etc about the risks of teens having sex before they are ready developmentally? Thank you!