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Why am I feeling so crappy? Trying to get diagnosed...

I generally avoid going to doctors, except, you know, for that necessary chick stuff. Of course I'd go in immediately if I broke something, or cut myself severely, or did something else stupid, or if I was bit by a dog, or something like that. Who wouldn't though, right? Me, I've relied more on chiropractors, accupuncturists, and kinesiologists for my general health care than on any "real" doctor. Good or bad, well, it's probably a combination of the two.

So... A couple years ago my house burned down. Pretty much immediately thereafter I started developing all kinds of health related issues. My period became irregular, then after a couple months stopped completely. I started getting migraines. As time passed I seemed to become sleepier and sleepier during the day. More than once I laid my head down on my desk at work, thinking I needed to relax and clear my head, and then would wake up a half hour or an hour later. I've never slept well, but I found that I couldn't get through a night without waking up 2-5 times in something like a panic.

I also started to have a hard time concentrating, I couldn't focus on anything for very long without becoming distracted. I was easily frustrated because things I knew I could do before easily, you know, simple daily tasks, somehow became very difficult. My short term memory seemed to get wacky, and I felt generally confused and frustrated pretty much all the time. I've always felt like I had a good handle on things. I've always felt very capable, like I could get through whatever problems came my way and figure out how to do anything I put my mind to. For the people in my life I have always tried to be a grounding force, offer a compassionate ear, and a helping hand. But suddenly I couldn't take care of myself, much less help anyone else. Suddenly I felt like my whole life and way of life and who I was and everything was falling apart. I have never felt more useless than I did that year.

I don't know if you can imagine feeling like this and having to deal with just losing most of my earthly belongings, and aside from trying to do my job each day having to work with contractors who for the most part couldn't really care less, and sorting through my burnt stuff to make lists for the insurance company who really couldn't care less. It really seemed like -if something could go wrong, it did. My boyfriend dumped me a couple months after the fire, he said he didn't deal well with emotionally charged situations. (no loss there really, but it still sucked, especially because my period stopped about that time, of course it didn't have anything to do with him, but it took me a little while to figure that out) Gosh, so many crappy things happened, maybe I'll write them later. It would be good for you probably, to help you be grateful if your life is relatively comfortable and quiet. :)

The fire happened in February of 2005. That summer I went to a Psychiatrist who was recommended to me. I knew I was really stressed out and nothing I was doing seemed to help. I knew I wasn't thinking all that clearly and it seemed like a good idea to run through things with a professional.

I told him everything I've told you here. I walked out of his office that day hopeful for the first time in months.

to be continued...

Here's part II

http://www.wellness.com/blog.asp?blogid=147

Here's part III

http://www.wellness.com/blog.asp?blogid=170

9/7/2007 7:03:38 PM

Written by Ruth

I’m 32, single, for now that is :). I’ve lived in CA most of my life, except for a few years spent in Mexico. I moved out at 16, compulsively over-worked for a long time, and am currently in search of peace and quiet.

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Comments

Jennifer, I'm working on it. It's been tough for a while though, at least since my thyroid started getting wacky. For a long time it took all my energy to get through my day with relative grace. Even then I felt like I should be exercising regularly, but when I managed to do anything more than stroll around the block, I was useless the rest of the day, having no energy to do anything except nap. I've started on some new supplements recently, trying to avoid medications, and I feel better, and am managing to get more exercise, but it's still somewhat of a struggle. I don't think exercise alone is the answer for me, I think things are still not quite right with my health. It's been a long road back to anything resembling normalcy, and I think there is still a little further to go.

Posted by Ruth

Hi, Are you doing any form of exercise to move the anger/frustration/grief out of your body? It really helps more than you could ever imagine.

Posted by Jennifer Kries

Green- Are you one?? I'll vote for ya, if you are! =) You know, what I've found to be true (sadly) is that everything(every one) can be bought for a price. Btw- is this the right blog?? It seems like there's another one here like this and they're overlapping...? Lol!

Posted by Lisa

Lalabird, I think anything we do can be addictive. There may be physical withdrawal symptoms, but mental addiction is arguably stronger than physical. I absolutely believe that some people can get addicted to antidepressants. I also believe I can become addicted to drinking a glass of water at 3:38 P.M. every day. What I mean is that our brains are wired for repetition. It's nature's way of determining what behavior is most effective for survival.

Posted by Aaron M

My BFF is a Pharm rep and the actual time is less than 2 minutes for a doc to see a pt. It takes longer to walk thru the door of their office. Greenlantern, you have the $20 million question. No one in Congress seems to like any of the proposed solutions.

Posted by Lisa

Luna, do mean "hooked" on anti-anxiety drugs? Usually you can't get hooked on anti-depressants. If anything, a depressed person has a hard time staying on an anti-depressant becuase that's just how depression works. Anxiety disorders are usually treated with the addictive meds that hook people. Treating a depressed person with an anti-anxiety drug alone, without an anti-depressant, would be scary since they "calm" people down. Most depressed people I've known are extremely calm as it is... =/

Posted by Lisa

I think a key here is precision. Too much water will drown you, but not enough will kill you too. I don't think antidepressants are bad, but I do think they are overused. I think antidepressants can sometimes be used as a crutch to help someone get to the bottom of whatever real issues they have. But in other cases, someone's wiring just might be jacked and drugs can help them have some semblance of a life. I think the problem is that many doctors have become so detached (probably for their own mental well being) from their patients that they don't take the effort to really find out what's going on and just prescribe drugs. Also, as mentioned in a blog someone else wrote on this site (http://www.wellness.com/<url removed> "Think about it: most people are sick not because they can't get care, but because they don't eat well, don't exercise, and experience too much stress. Then when they get sick they go to the doctor and ask for a pill to make them feel better. Doctor says: 'Well, I can give you something to take away the pain, but you should really start eating better and exercising.' Patient says, 'Yeah, yeah, that's too hard, just give me the pill.' "After about 3000 patient visits of the same results, doctors just give up and give their patients what they want. If they don't, the patients look for another doctor who will." I think another problem is that doctors assume that just because MOST of their patients want pills, that means ALL of their patients want pills. It's a tough situation. Doctors are only human and they're doing the best they can. It's hard to be responsible for the well being of 4000 people. I think most parents have enough trouble taking care of 2 children. There are some improvements that can be made, but I think it's a complex situation that involves improvement on the part of patients, doctors, insurance companies, hospitals, business executives, and the Gov't. There's no one group that's at fault and no single solution that will work for everyone.

Posted by greenlantern

I agree with the advice in general, but I know too many people who seem worse off than they were before they went to a doctor (or multiple docs) and got one (or more) prescriptions to deal with a case of mild depression. Too many times it seems that mild depression leads to an easy-fix "let's put you on a light dose of XYZ" medication and see how you respond." Then, that leads to more medication or a different one over time. Like clockwork, the patient ends up back in the office with a case of more severe depression at some point after going on the meds. Of course, the soluton is; more or stronger meds! Yes, of course, we should see how she does on a stronger dose since now I'm concerned she's exhibiting behaviors of severe clinical depression. Funny, it all started with a case of mild depression. Sounds like being a human being after a crappy experience. It ended up creating a drug user. Sounds like the pharmaceutical industry to me. Be careful. Be very careful.

Posted by

Would you believe the fire was more than 2 years ago, and I'm still trying to feel better? It's been a long road, and I think I've a little ways left to go. Luna, I bought a bunch of new stuff, things I needed. Funny though that a lot of things occur differently for me now than they did before. That probably doesn't make much sense... the fire was a huge turning point in my life, it changed everything. One of the hardest things for me still is that people around me expect me to be like I was before, but I'm not. That probably doesn't help either :) I will keep blogging, and tell more of the story, I have already some tonight. If it doesn't answer your questions let me know... thank you both for your thoughts

Posted by Ruth

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