Turning Grief to Growth

My experience with grief and the loss of loved ones

It has been about 15 years since the loss of my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, 2 uncles, 2 aunts. Grief seemed to hit my family like an unexpected tornado. Within less than 5 years, most of my maternal line had died.

What did I do? Well, after losing my grandmother resulting from ovarian cancer, I moved to another city 4 hours away and emerged myself in work and school.

Less than two years later, my mother found out that she had colon cancer and died about one year after being diagnosed. Although she believed in alternative therapies, it was not readily accessible where she lived at the time. Her only option was the offer of chemotherapy and various prescription drugs. At first she declined and I saw that she was gaining weight and going out with my father on dates. After being encouraged by her doctor to take chemotherapy treatments, she had trouble eating and was always nauseated from her treatments. She died 9 months later.

Since my mother's death, the loss of other family members whom I loved started to make me numb inside. This deepened my interest in massage therapy and other alternative therapies for health and healing. I had successfully established Essential Touch, LLC as a single mother and business owner, but with the various unanticipated changes in financial stability, I was unable to support both my business and my personal finances.

It was not until I begin to experience financial difficulties within resulting from the impact various circumstances beyond my control. I realized how much pain I was beginning to feel from the loss of those who always comforted me during difficult times (other than my father, who has and still is very supportive of me).

Suddenly, I start to feel "alone" and was missing the comfort of my loved ones. I also felt as if no one understood me or the things that I was dealing with. I felt almost as if I lost my self (my old self). I became very depressed from this grief. In addition to being moderately depressed, my financial instability influenced feelings of what I knew as symptoms of anxiety.

Prior to my marriage, I felt like I was losing everything from my the positive influences of my maternal lineage to the financial stability I once maintained as a single mom working in mental health and alternative healing.

Since being trained in social work, mental health and alternative health therapies, I ethically took time to heal emotionally. Because I understood the need for mental, physical and spiritual balance and the influence it has on emotional wellness, I found a way to channel the pain of grief to positively influence wellness for myself and others. I also knew that some of my friends who experience similar feelings of depression as a part of bereavement. It became important to me to let them know that they were not alone and that healing starts from within and growth takes place when they are active in their healing process.

My healing started to take place with the support of my husband, my father and my children, who motivated me by reminding me of my potential. Growth resulted when I started to help others to turn grief to growth. I continued to enhance my growth by reading, writing, and living a more holistic lifestyle. It was important for me to focus on healing for myself and others because many times, the impact of depression and anxiety is misunderstood by those who do not understand this type of grief or those who have not experience the loss of a loved one.