How Emotions Shape a Life

I can remember a time I hated having emotions. You've probably been there too. The churning in your stomach, the tension in your shoulders, the sense they were in control. Wouldn't you be better off without them? How could you avoid them or get rid of them?

Most people don't think of emotions as helpful, much less as friends. If you survey self-help books about emotions most start from the premise that emotions are a problem, but we can overcome them if we try.

I disagree completely. Emotions are a wonder! Emotions are the unopened gift every human has already received. Emotions determine what we do, why we do it, how we do it, who we do it with, and even if we do it. They are the fuel for all our choices and actions. They are fundamental in the way we think and how we see the world around us. 

Don’t confuse being “wonderous” with them always being comfortable. Sometimes they are intensely uncomfortable, but they are trying to help us nonetheless.

Here are examples of emotions that fit into each category. There are many more, but you can begin to see the pattern with these: 

• What we do: Curiosity, enjoyment, excitement, satisfaction, service
• Why we do what we do: Service, love, obligation, fear, compassion, loyalty
• How we do what we do: Commitment, complacency, pride, anxiety, passion
• If we do it: Doubt, ambition, anxiety, self-trust, joy
• Who we do it with: Love, hate, trust, joy, loyalty,

Here is a way you can create a more satisfying life:

1. Write down the biggest challenge you currently face. What is it you’d like to change? What would you like more of or less of?
2. Look at the categories above. Does the root of your challenge fall into what you are doing, how you are doing it, why you are doing it if you are doing it, or who you are doing it with?
3. Identify the emotion driving the behavior you want to change. There may be more than one but reflect on what is the primary emotion fueling your discontent.
4. Now, think about what emotions would be most useful to change the situation you are in.
5. The final question is, how can you strengthen the emotion you just chose. How will you think differently? What behaviors, activities, or habits will you begin shifting? How will you remember to practice and what help or support do you need?

Emotions are the energy that moves us. Without them, we would be full of ideas, dreams, and plans, but nothing would get put into action. We can be brilliant thinkers but need emotions to generate action. Reflecting on how emotions have gotten you where you to where you are in your life and how they can create the future you yearn for is time well spent. And it works!