Why am I feeling so crappy? Part II

In case you missed Part I:

http://www.wellness.com/blog.asp?blogid=136




Here's part II



You're probably thinking -No wonder she feels like crap, who wouldn't after going through all of that? That's pretty much what the psychiatrist said, but with longer words. :)

He told me that for every traumatic thing that happens in life, there is a particular amount of grief that needs to be experienced before life can return to normal, or at least as close to normal as it will ever get again. He told me several things I should do to help the process along. He said I should allow myself to be vulnerable, allow myself to be affected by what was going on, that if I felt compelled to break down into tears, for example, at random times I should allow myself to do so, even if it wasn't something I EVER did. He said I should be patient with myself and accept the fact that for some period of time I would feel out of sorts and have a hard time functioning. He told me to do the best I could with everything, accepting it would not be as good as I could do before, and move on. He said that I could resist experiencing my grief and the situation, but then it would take that much longer to get through it and move on. To be very clear: Near death (I realize I didn't mention that I was home when the fire happened) and a house fire could, for example (he didn't give me specific lengths of time :) take me as little as six months to get over if I dealt with my grief effectively, but if I didn't, it could take several years, or I might never get over it.

He told me something else that really helped me... He said that I should do whatever I needed to feel safe. He said my house almost killed me, no wonder I was having trouble sleeping and it felt like my world was falling apart... What COULD I trust if I couldn't trust my home, the only place where I could be totally at ease and myself, the one place I should always feel safe? He said if I needed to get up and investigate every noise that woke me up in the middle of the night, to do that. If I needed to lock all the windows or to keep them all open, to do that, to do whatever made me feel safest. He said that with time the trust would come back. (I still get up almost every night to investigate some sound outside, so I guess I'm not quite there :)

I really did feel better than I had in months when I walked out of his office. The problem with that feeling was I felt certain if I followed his instructions and dealt effectively with my grief my physical symptoms would go away.

Several months later, in the Winter of 2006, my kinesiologist told me I had sub-clinical carpal tunnel and some adrenal gland problems. I did not get the impression it was serious. He gave me some supplements and sent me on my way.

Later that Spring my acupuncturist told me I had some mild issues with my Thyroid. Again, I didn't get the impression it was serious. He gave me some supplements and sent me on my way.

In December 2006 I changed birth control. I had been on birth control pills for a year or so (a bad idea for someone who can't even remember to feed her cats every day), and changed back to Depo, which I had been on for 5+ years before the pill. Within 60 days or so I put on about 20 pounds. I called my Dr when I had to buy new pants. She said weight gain was a normal side effect of Depo. I was incredulous. How was it possible for me to react that way when I'd been on it for years before with no side effects? She said that our reactions to medications can change as we get older and that's likely what happened. It didn't occur to me to think it was anything else.

Several more months passed. All the symptoms I already had seemed to get gradually worse. I also noticed that my hair seemed thinner, I could see scalp through my hair when I looked in the mirror. I also chilled mo