Emotions are Tough, But I Am Tougher

Today, I want to share something very personal; something that has had a huge impact on my life and on my family. A few weeks ago, I found out that I was pregnant with our third baby. We weren't trying and it came as quite a shock to both my husband and me. When I told him, he grinned from ear to ear and he looked at me with so much love. Then he held me while I cried.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't sad or upset. I was thrilled and excited just as any other mother would be. Babies are so wonderful; they smell good, they coo, and the socks they wear are the size of my thumbs when they are first born. I know, I am a nut, but I looooooove baby socks, they are so teeny tiny and that is so sweet to me! I guess I cried because I also knew exactly what I was going to be in for all over again; puking for at least 6 months, another c-section and then sleepless nights, going back to diapers, sterilizing bottles, searching in vain for binkies when the crying won't stop. And OH GOD, the breastfeeding and the pumping and well, you get the picture. But after 10 minutes of sobbing, I took a deep breath. I was ready to face pregnancy and babyhood again.

Of course then we started all the usual talk. Maybe this one will be a boy, maybe he'll have his Dad's blue eyes, maybe he'll have curly hair like his sister, maybe he'll have my chubby cheeks. We tossed around names, told our friends and family, started to get the boxes of maternity clothes I had packed away out of the attic, asked around for a few of the essential baby accoutrements so we wouldn't have to buy everything all over again. And just about the time that we were settled in and daydreaming of what the little one would be like, my whole world came crashing down around me. I miscarried the pregnancy.

I had never had any problems before, but two pregnancies and two perfect daughters later, here I was in the physical and emotional pain of losing a baby before it even had a chance. I was bedridden for days. I was in sheer misery. And all this time, my girls would check on me. They felt my forehead for fever, kissed my cheeks and told me in wisdom beyond their little years that "It will be okay, Mommy. You'll feel better soon."

And then, I did. I looked at their little round, young faces and into those beautiful hazel eyes and I came to terms with the fact that I couldn't change what was happening no matter how hard I wished for it to be different. This was the hand I had been dealt, but it was up to me to decide how I played my cards. My husband loved me still, my daughters loved me still. I had gone through a terrible thing, yes, but everything I could ever need was already with me. Right here, right now.

Many times, circumstances beyond our control seem to have power over our lives. But why? Because we let them. Will I mourn this loss for the rest of my life? Of course I will. Probably every day. But I am in charge of my wellness. I am in charge of my emotional well being. I have the power to live my life one of two ways: depressed and unhappy over what might have been or thankful and contented with the family that has so lovingly opened their arms and comforted me during a difficult moment. Without that emotional balance, the other aspects of my wellness would have to go out the window.

So how did it all end? I chose happiness and in doing so, I chose wellness. I am still in the grips of physical symptoms, but the fact that I make a conscious effort to be emotionally healthy has largely helped me cope with what my body is experiencing. Very soon, I'll be whole again and I know I have everything I need to get there.

Kym Wilson
123 Feel Better Wellness Advisor
http://www.123feelbetter.net/
Make today a life changing event!