The Sexual Predator's Partner in Crime

Two recent stories raised my ire - once again - about the culpability of those who enable sexual predators. By enabler, I am referring primarily to the predator's spouse, partner or parent. I sit here and wonder why citizens aren't held legally responsible for notifying authorities if they become aware of an adult molesting a minor. If you watch someone being murdered and do nothing, or you help a murderer not get caught, you are an accessory to that crime. Molestation murders a child's soul. The child may live, but their life will never be the same.

While everyone was riveted by the allegations against Jerry Sandusky and a corrupt system that allowed him to continue hurting young boys, I was focused on Dorothy Sandusky, the dutiful, religious wife who turned a deaf ear to the victims who called for help, and a blind eye to the provocative scenes she witnessed. Of course, at this point, I believe that Mrs. Sandusky had to be in total denial about the crimes she never tried to stop. But what led her down this path? When did she consciously or unconsciously decide to ignore the truth in order to preserve the reality she wanted?

Partners of Predators aren't necessarily mentally unbalanced or amoral people. Nor are they driven by uncontrollable impulses, like the Predators themselves. They may be kind and loving and decent in every other respect - as Mrs. Sandusky supposedly was. Is it loyalty, denial, weakness, fear that forces their hand? Perhaps. But that doesn't let them off the hook. In fact, I personally find the partners of predators even more accountable, because the predators themselves don't believe they are doing something wrong. Their actions are criminal, but they truly believe otherwise. Meanwhile, the partner is allowing crimes to be committed in order to hold on to a life they know, a life they may not want to disrupt. Chuck Williams, a professor at Drexel University, and an expert on dealing with child abuse, when speaking recently about the spouses of child abusers said, "they often sense that something is wrong but rationalize that the cost of taking action might be greater than turning a blind eye." And it doesn't stop there.

It was reported that when Dorothy Sandusky first heard about the sexual abuse charges leveled against her husband, instead of expressing either horror or sympathy for the victims, she said, "for all Jerry's done for these kids all these years, how could a few of them turn their stories around and make him seem so bad". And after Victim #4 movingly testified about his sexual abuse, Dorothy took the stand and coldly alluded to what a manipulative child he had been. Which brings me to the other story I referred to at the beginning of this article. This story hasn't been in the headlines, and like thousands of others, will never get the public's attention. But it's just as heart wrenching.

The following is a post I received from a reader of an article I wrote entitled "Sibling Abuse - Children Abusing Other Children":

"I was abused by my brother who was 6 years my senior. I remember when I was only 5 or 6 years old, I went to my mom and told her that my brother (who was 12) was making me touch him down there. She called me a liar and told me to go away. It didn't stop with sexual abuse. He abused me verbally, physically and emotionally. My mom saw it; she had to. But she always ignored what he did wrong. The abuse continued for years, way past the point when he should have known better. And to this day, she makes excuses for him. This has affected my whole life. I have been in a series of abusive relationships as an adult and have just recently realized why. Yet I am the one who has been pushed aside and ignored. Since starting therapy I have tried to talk to my mother about this. Her response was that if it was so bad when I was little, why didn't I call social services? She is still blaming me! My therapist says that I shouldn't waste any more energy on my mother. She will never acknowledge her part in my abuse let alone apologize for it."

The time has come for those who do nothing to be held accountable.

Roni Weisberg-Ross LMFT
2012
Http://www.LosAngelessexualabusetherapist.com